Recently, I was on a long run with my running club. We were six persons and one of the women were new to me. As always when runners meet, we shared our background of running and other sports. We confirmed how the corona situation had prevented us from doing some sports; swimming, for example, since the swimming facilities in Stockholm had been closed for a while. I told her that I only swam now and then as an alternative to running and she said that she was a triathlete. I asked her if she was doing competitions and she said: “yes, but I am no good”. What? I couldn’t help but saying that this was typically women who underestimated themselves and that she was awesome!

I might be extra attentive for this kind of utterances since I’ve had quite a few revelations the last couple of years – and especially the last few months – about how women often underestimate themselves and their own values. In this blog post, I will share some thoughts and experiences; feel free to comment.

In my latest blog post, I wrote about how the women in Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence didn’t realize how unfree they were. We have been hugely influenced in our childhood and upbringing; not only by our parents but maybe mostly by the norms of society. When I grew up, I thought that my father was the wisest man in the world and it wasn’t until I moved away from home, 18 years old (when I left my country), that I realized he wasn’t almighty. I wished I had listened more to my mother who often told me I was good enough and beautiful. But because I was programmed by society to see males as an authority, I always went to my father for advice and I believed what he said to be valid. However, I am grateful to my mother because even though I might not have listened to her then, her words still remain in me.

I am 49 years old and it’s amazing how long it took me to realize how much I have been underestimating myself and my value. During my life, I’ve often thought that I was wrong and others – especially men – were right. My self-esteem as a teenager and later in my relationships was extremely low. In certain things, I had self-confidence but deep down, I didn’t believe in my own worthiness. To speak in words, especially off guard, was not my skill so in my relationships, I was suppressed verbally in many cases and I didn’t have the courage to stand up for myself. I was too afraid of upsetting the person I was with, too afraid of hurting someone, if I was honest or expressed my point of view. I can see now that I lacked self-respect.

A dear friend of mine has written a book that recently has been published in Sweden. Hopefully, it will be translated into English! It’s written as a diary and it’s about her experiences as a back-packer in Africa in 1990. She was 22 years old and one of the things that I awed the most was that she showed self-confidence. Travelling alone in a country so different from her own, she was brave and curious. Even her misfortunes didn’t discourage her. Still, she dared to show herself vulnerable. In the beginning, when she wrote something about herself that she liked, I thought, “wow, that’s brave and honest” and later on, I realized that she did something most women don’t dare to do – she was proud of herself and she was not afraid of expressing that. This is a book I believe could help a lot of people, especially the young ones. With her story, she shows that when you believe in yourself, you can experience so many things and the bad things just make you stronger; it makes you grow. Thank you, Jessica, for sharing your story and for your fantastic inspiration for women (and men)!

Me-Too

A couple of years ago, when Me-Too started, I was on a domestic flight in Denmark on my way home to my mother in Jutland. It was a Danish airline company, a small plane so there was only one flight attendant, a young woman. When the pilot spoke to all passengers before take-off, he said “Now, before we go into the air, please listen to our pretty Lise, who will go through security”. I don’t remember her real name, but what I reacted to was the word “pretty” (in Danish: “yndig”). If the flight attendant had been a man, would the pilot had said “handsome”? Even if he had, the word “pretty” is more sexist than “handsome”. “Skilled” would have been better in both cases (if any adjective at all). You might also react to ”our”…

I looked up at the woman and she didn’t react at all. My first thought was that this would never have happened in Sweden. When I had lived in Sweden for some years, my impression was that Denmark was more forward when it came to discrimination. However, with Me-Too, I realized that Denmark still had a long way to go. Those of you who have been following the news in Denmark recently know that it hasn’t been until now, that Me-Too has really been in the spotlight. There has been a second wave, not only of the corona virus but also of the Me-Too revelation.

Some key words that are important to me are: self-respect and worthiness. When you respect yourself, you can respect others and we can accept each other for whom we truly are. Showing vulnerability is a strength, I believe. I admire people who dare to show what they feel (in the right context, of course). We are humans, and humans are not perfect, thank God!